Much has been written and said about the Brock Turner case in the national spotlight lately, a man who was convicted of raping a woman who was intoxicated past the point of being able to consent. I’m sure I’m not saying anything really that new, but I still feel the need to say it.
This young man’s Dad lamented about the punishment his son was facing over ’20 minutes of action’. I, as a father of two young girls, one college age, am both disgusted and outraged at the idea that this man equates young women such as my own daughters as a piece of meat. Worse, he doesn’t even seem to recognize the woman exists. Instead this woman was just a vehicle for his son to have some fun. She was just a means to an end. This Dad’s comments weren’t just reprehensible, they, in a sense, allowed this woman to be raped again.
Additionally, much has been said about the amount of alcohol that this young woman drank.
Let’s stop right there a moment.
How much she drank, is completely, one hundred percent – irrelevant.
If people want to talk about the stupidity of drinking to the point of obliviousness, or drinking at all for that matter, feel free. I’m with you. I used to drink when I was younger and I quite foolishly got intoxicated beyond the point of being able to take care of myself and I look back on those days with a bit of mild disgust as to how stupid I was. I quite honestly put myself, and others at one point, in some danger with my foolishness.
So, feel free to talk about limiting alcohol or not using it at all.
But do so outside discussion of this story.
The moment that you add that topic to this story, you are in effect saying that this is the young woman’s fault. That she is somehow to blame for this man dragging her behind a dumpster and putting his finger’s inside of her and violating her. You are blaming the victim.
I personally wish people wouldn’t drink. At all. Nothing good comes of it. But people can legally drink and they can legally drink to the point of blacking out. And you still don’t get to rape them. Period.
We have for a very long time on this planet, in various cultures including our own, treated women not only as second class citizens, but as property. We have treated women as conquests for men and it is only recently that women have started coming into their own place in society, as equals with men.
And we have a long way to go.
I, like I mentioned, have two beautiful girls. I worry about them everyday. I have one who is in college, which means that for nine months of the year, I have no idea what is happening to her at any given moment. As a parent, that has been incredibly tough for me to deal with.
I realize boys will find my girls attractive. I also know that my girls may find those boys attractive too and at some point, that relationship may become sexual. Their mother and I have taught them that it is far better to wait until marriage but we are also realists and understand the world our girls live in.
I am terrified of the idea that someday though, a boy will try to force himself on either of my girls. Why am I terrified of this? Because it happens to more women than we like to admit.
In the span of one year, several years ago, we encountered, not one, not two, but three men who took advantage of young girls. One of these was in a former church of ours. We left this church because it generally took the same approach that the people around Brock Turner did. Yes, the law punished the young man who assaulted the women but not before the church completely turned it’s back on each victim in the church and then rallied around the young man – whose father held a position within the church.
What I remember most about that incident? When the incident was brought up in the church, one man looked at another afterwords and said, “Well, kids will be kids.”
The assaulter was eighteen.
The victim was EIGHT.
That man may not have known that, but do you see what I’m getting at? We continue to discount the attacks on women in society because we don’t want to deal with the honest truth, which is that in a society where women are still considered to be the weaker sex, there are men who are going to use that to their advantage.
For many years in my life, I have been bombarded with the idea, that even God Himself thinks that men have dominion over women. Men are the head of the house, women are to be his help mate. I even wrote about this on this blog page years ago as I tried to put justification around this belief that I have personally struggled with my entire adult life. I struggle with it, because I don’t believe it. I am not better than my wife. I am her equal. And she is mine. We each have strengths and weaknesses and hopefully we accent each others weaknesses with our strengths. But I reject the notion I rule over her.
If I face some sort of retribution for that in the afterlife, so be it.
I have taught my girls the same. They are not less than the person they choose to be their spouse. I have taught them that while dating, if a boy starts trying to exert his will over them, dump that dude fast. They are their own person and the choices they make as adults are theirs to make.
Some might say this makes me a feminist. I don’t know about that. I’m not overly fond of feminism, I have seen it used to try to make women better than men. I reject that too.
Men and women are different. But neither is better than the other.
And neither has the right to do anything harmful to the other.
So, from this Dad to Brock Turner’s dad, I say this:
Sir, you are not a father. Not in any sense of the word. You have raised a man who sees women as something to get pleasure off of. You have taught him, that ’20 minutes of action’ is more important than treating someone with dignity, no matter what they have done to themselves. You are not a man. You are a weak, evil, little being who has raised another person to be the same. You believe that women, like my own girls, are not entitled to be treated in the same way as your boy, simply because they are a different gender.
I find you sir, disgusting. And a sad excuse for a person. You are the reason I, and many other Dad’s who have daughters of their own, have trouble sleeping at night.
I sincerely hope that the mindset you vomit out into the world is quickly dying a slow death and someday will be gone from this planet. Hopefully someday, people like you will be gone and girls like my own daughters can live in this world with a sense of peace, safe from the likes of you.
My daughters deserve that kind of world.
The woman your boy assaulted deserves that kind of world.
All women do.